The Mummy (2017)

mummuyWorth it? Nope, not even close.

What the hell did I just see?

This has to be the worst movie I have seen in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the experience of going to see it. It gave me some ideas of what to do and not do in a future roleplaying game I will run, but definitely that was a big piece of trash.


First let’s get this out of the way. The movie isn’t really about “The Mummy”. It is a masturbatory story for and about Tom Cruise.

The Mummy character itself was given the shaft in this movie. The actress (Sofia Boutella) and the character (named Ahmanet) is what I find to be the best part of the movie. She is beautiful, powerful and even with her limited material had a great intensity. She was the only good thing in the movie. Yet she had what seemed like the least runtime out of her, the blonde girl, Cruise or Crowe. There was so much potential with her, yet they hacked her part apart so badly she seemed like a bit player in the movie.

Russell Crowe was both good and bad. I like Russell Crowe, and I don’t feel bad about it. I liked the witty comments of Mr. Hyde, and I realize Crowe can have a wooden performance, but in this case, the character itself was written poorly, so Crowe didn’t have much to work with.

Cruise’s love interest (I will refer to her as the nameless blond) was horrible. She was so bad I don’t remember her character or the actresses’ name. To make it even worse, I don’t care to know it. Her character was cardboard, flavorless and absolutely did nothing for me. I realize I can’t blame that on the actress, but evidently I don’t even care enough to try and get past that.

Tom Cruise is problematic in a lot of ways. I like him in some roles (yes I liked Collateral and the Last Samurai). He is flavorless as well in things like Mission Impossible. Then he is horrible in movies like in this one. I hated his character itself, the presented personality, the cockiness, just about everything he said made me wish I could blow him up with my mind.

The worst part of the movie is the fact they butchered all of the Mummy’s (Ahmanet) parts so Cruise could have a larger part. I hear it is because the director was a rookie and Cruise was “helping” the director, but that didn’t help anything at all for me.

I also disliked what Cruise’s character became, I realize he is the referential “Mummy”, and I didn’t consider that suave, cool or even a surprise. I was just disappointed that she wasn’t the Mummy in future films (except maybe a villain). That was the biggest disappointment for me.

This was the first movie in a new film franchise, the “Dark Universe” that combines all of Universal’s monster IPs into a single Marvel/DC type thing. They want to share the universe with Dracula, the Mummy, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, etc.

I think that is an awesome idea. The problem here is they went too far into it for the first movie. They wanted to make references to too many things and instead there was too much explanatory setup and too little story about the Mummy. They would have been better off to have a few easter eggs of the other IPs, and maybe a cameo. Some say Crowe was a cameo, that wasn’t a cameo, that was way too large a part to be anything but disasterous.

The good: Sofia Boutella was a great actress, and her character was awesome. I will follow her more.

The bad: Everything else was eye gougingly bad… except Russel Crowe, he was ok.

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